city girls are just country girls, with cuter outfits.

The people closest to me know how hard it is for me to be an open book, and that I try to keep my personal business and thoughts to myself and the few people i trust enough to confide in at best. Lately it’s been a lot of the same. A lot of thinking about trying to figure out my life and what I want to do with it. I’ve come to realize that I was so distracted by the wrong things over the past years that I’m afraid I’ve missed my chance to find out what I really want out of my life, something that will make me truly happy, and not just momentarily. Growing up I’ve always been told I could be whatever I wanted to be in life so long as I put my mind to it, but I never truly felt that way. I love my family and I know they’ve always meant the best but growing up I never felt like they knew how to accept me for me because I’ve always been a little different than them. I know they tried but I think deep down they thought I would outgrow the things that made me me. That always made me feel like who I was was something I would outgrow as well, so I tried. I don’t know when I had my moment of clarity, but now that I have I am almost more confused. I finally don’t care that I won’t ever really fit in the way I’m supposed to, but with that I know I’m going to have to accept that I will never feel like I’m good enough or that they get me. All of this has made me feel more alone than ever, but in an bittersweet way. I just realized how confusing all of what I just wrote was, when I sort out this clusterfuck of thoughts in my head maybe I can write it down more effectively...